Our Expectations of Ourselves

 I wrote this essay for a writing competition in high school. "What is the biggest issue that teens today face?" I wrote with a focus on teenage culture, but I think the title does well to describe a larger social issue: the effect that our expectations of ourselves has on each of us. If we don't think that we can succeed, we won't strive; if we don't think we are worthwhile, we will give up on ourselves and on those around us.

~The Mandarin

Our Expectations of Ourselves 

Today’s teens face many struggles on the road to adulthood. We are labeled, judged, and constricted to an expected social ranking. Technology, the Internet and social media put the world at our fingertips, yet we are undisciplined in our use of it. We need individualism and discipline. If our parents, teachers, communities and organizations lead the charge against the debasing herd mind that has captured us, I believe we can overcome our greatest challenge: the multi-faceted expectation that we will be less than what we can be. 

One facet of this expectation is the plethora of labels we face as teenagers. The “gifted” students and “standard” students, the “jocks” and “nerds”, the “OCD”, “ADD” and “mildly autistic” labels all prohibit students from reaching their full potential. Here is why: a label that multiple people brand you with, whether it be spoken or unspoken, becomes not only their expectation of you but also your expectation of yourself. So when a teenager with a short attention span is marked “attention deficient” and given medication, he is essentially forced to assume that role. It is like a reverse placebo effect: instead of being given ineffective medication to trick the brain into getting better, long-term medication reinforces the idea that there is something wrong with him and gives him little hope of recovering. We become what we are labeled. Likewise the “jock”, “nerd” and “standard” titles that we assign ourselves are reinforced by teachers and parents through their expectations of us. Even the “gifted” and “talented” classifications come with certain debasing expectations, like the assumption that a “talented” person wants to pursue a career in their area of expertise. In order to combat these ideas, our communities need to raise their expectations of all youth. Encourage students to challenge themselves with more difficult classes. Abolish the idea that the “gifted” students in school are “smarter” than the rest. Promote each type of intelligence, not just the academic and kinesthetic kinds, and celebrate the abilities of every teen – because in the real world, we need everyone’s talents. Stereotypes probably won’t disappear, but parents and teachers can play a big role by verbally expressing their knowledge that “we can do this”. When we are told that we can be great – not asked, not forced, but simply expected to be because others know what we are capable of – we will exceed even our own aspirations.

        Another challenge that teens face is our infatuation with technology and social media. Our time with friends is truncated, our work is cut into, excessive screen time causes health problems, and thoughtless posts, tweets and texts create drama and potentially serious problems later in life with employers and colleges. It has become such an integral part of our lives that this degrading manner of interaction is not only expected of teens, but also widely accepted. We need parents and leaders to embody the responsible use of technology and to enforce it with us, rather than allowing our screen time to run rampant. “No phone” periods (i.e. family dinners, visits with friends, and homework time) and limits on the number of hours spent in front of the computer and television would help establish good habits for later in life. Organizations and community leaders can also help promote the responsible use of technology. Campaigns such as the Play 60 NFL movement and Screen-Free week (formerly TV-Turnoff week) encourage adolescents to turn off screens and "turn on life." The County of York should consider endorsing such events and perhaps incorporate their own; for example, a scavenger hunt at a local nature trail. Additionally, public service announcements warning of the potential employment and health problems could contribute to the cause.

        Today’s teens face many struggles on the road to adulthood, but ultimately the biggest challenge is ourselves. We have not yet developed the discipline to balance wants with needs, and we have not discovered our hidden power to transcend the labels and expectations put on us. To those leaders who would help us on the road to success, this is what we need: a firm belief in our abilities, and discipline tempered with a knowledge of the importance of responsibility.  

The American View of Homelessness

Homelessness is a uniquely intimate social issue, because it offers an undeniable choice for the observer: to give, or not to give? The choices of action and disregard are both vehemently defended in our culture. On one side is the American Dream: the ideal that hard work results in improved social status, and everyone has an equal opportunity for prosperity and success. On the other is compassion and, as far as I’m concerned, logic – not everyone has an equal opportunity for success, and we should unreservedly help those who are less fortunate than us.

What causes poverty?  

The 'American Idealists' say that those in poverty are there by choice. In the words of mayor Maryann Edwards,  "They have rejected all forms of help and have chosen instead to play on the sympathy of generous residents.” They believe that homeless people are lazy, unstable addicts who cannot be helped, and that giving to them creates more problems than it solves. 

"If someone is in poverty, they should simply work harder to get out of it!" is a driving sentiment of many Americans. A primary reason for this is culture. Whereas most western nations see poverty as natural byproduct of capitalism, Americans see it as a “result of individual rather than institutional failure” as per our cultural values of “work, individualism, and freedom of opportunity.^[7]

But 'freedom of opportunity' is bitterly constrained when it comes to the homeless demographic. The single largest cause of homelessness is disability - 62% in a recent San Francisco survey, and about two thirds in other cities across America.^[8] Physical and mental disabilities such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder make employment scarce and exacerbate the effects of homelessness when they are unable to be treated, with the homeless often turning to alcohol or drugs as a result. 

Alcoholism and addictions also play a major role in the homelessness debate. Commonly our culture blames this on the individual, but like depression and mental illness, this is not something that is able to be conquered on one's own. A fundamental problem of homelessness is the lack of supporting figures to encourage them to reach beyond themselves - a problem so extensive, it was defined by Caplow and Bahr as a state of complete disaffiliation.^[8] Our expectations of ourselves and the expectations of those around us play a significant role in who we are. Although not a main cause of homelessness, addiction is a contributor, with 32% of all homeless being addicted to drugs and 25% being alcoholic.^[3] 

Even without the complications of disability or addiction, this state is grueling to transcend. Because homelessness has long been considered a form of deviant social behavior, there is a massive collection of laws criminalizing the homeless: laws against sleeping in public places, eating in public space, loitering on medians, asking for change, and even bathing in public restrooms.^[4] With no place to rest, clean, or change, and a massive social stigma to overcome, it is small wonder that finding a job is extraordinarily difficult. 

Can helping hurt? 

The arguments against helping the homeless fly quick and cautionary. "They'll only use it on drugs anyway." "We don't want to make them dependent."^[1] "They'll just take what you give and continue to beg."^[6] There are even some that say the need for help is unnecessary and overrated, arguing that many of the poor and destitute in America have nice things, and so are unworthy of our help.^[5] 

The truth is, there will always be people in every walk of life who are willing to take without reciprocating. There will always be people, and not just the homeless, who corrupt what you give them instead of using it for good. We can't control the attitudes of the people coming to get help, but we can control the help we are offering and make sure our assistance is solid and effective, guiding the person to a place where they can help themselves. 

Helping at the wrong time in the wrong way can hurt. There have been cases of philanthropy in Africa where donations caused catastrophic destruction for local developing businesses.^[9] The cause of this catastrophe was a failure to fully understand the needs of the region. In the same way, we give (or don't give) based on what we think we know about the homeless when we live in an entirely separate world ignorant of their smaller one. Just as a soldier who has been trained to live in a war environment must re-train himself when he comes home, so a homeless person must learn that they are safe before they cease living in the mental state of dispossession. 

In many cases, the homeless need more than we by ourselves can give. Homelessness is as much a psychological problem as it is a temporal one, and we should not seek to play the hero for our own gratification without offering direction towards more long-term solutions. That being said, it is also matter of the heart. A kind word, a dollar or a car ride can go a long way towards making someone feel like a real person again. As Nicholas Sooy said, "The most important thing is to treat them like they're human. Just look them in the eye, give them respect... they don't get that from most people."

What we should do

Some demand a reason for the claims made by the homeless of our resources. Ignatieff cites King Lear: “O, reason not the need!... Allow not nature more than nature needs, man’s life is cheap as beasts.” We may never be able to confirm the exact story of everyone that we help, but we can abolish the false stereotypical profile of the homeless person as a lazy, irresponsible individual. 

Remember that anyone can become homeless. The rich businessman who lost his company overnight, the valiant soldier who came home with a bad leg and no connections, the single mother escaping an abusive relationship, the mechanic who survived cancer but didn't survive the medical bills. People do not choose to be homeless or to go through hardship - it is simply a fact of life, and its harrowing grip could knock down any one of us.

One thing is for sure: we can't solve the problem by passing it off to someone else or by blaming the homeless. It will take resources in the form of rehabilitation programs, patient guidance, sustenance, shelter, and funds. If we understand that these needs come not from individual failure but rather as a result of an imperfect world, we will be more willing to offer a loving, helping hand... and more willing to give up the American idea that failure to overcome is the fault of the individual. 

~The Mandarin

Serving the Homeless - My First Adventure

When I was in high school, my good friend Nicolas Sooy from chess club invited us all to his birthday party. Instead of a traditional party, however, we were going to help him celebrate by serving others... preparing and serving food to the homeless in Harrisburg.

This was my first experience serving the homeless, and I will never forget it. It was something I had always wanted to do, but I had never voiced the desire... and now the opportunity dropped right into my lap, accompanied by a bevy of friends.

We started the afternoon in his church kitchen, surrounded by chicken, corn on the cob, water bottles and Ziploc bags. I don't remember everything we prepared, but it was quite a feast, and I remember feeling hungry. We were going to wait until everyone else was served to eat. I remember Nick explaining to us that the homeless care about quality just as much as the rest of us... even though they can't afford to be picky, a dry baloney and cheese sandwich is still unappealing, and a full-course hot meal is love.

We packed everything up and headed out to the streets of Harrisburg. The sleeping bags lying between the bank and well-to-do shoppe on Cameron street were new to me... I had been ignorant of what homelessness looked like before this day, but never again would I miss the signs. We set up our buffet line in a large alley between the buildings, and a crowd of about 20 gathered from seemingly nowhere. I wondered how they knew we were coming.

Before arriving, Nick had coached us very clearly: "The most important thing is to treat them like they're human. Just look them in the eye, give them respect... they don't get that from most people." So I did. After everyone was served, I walked around and passed out water bottles, giving each a smile and sharing a few words if they were open to conversation. I enjoyed talking with them and could sense their gratitude; by treating them like real, valuable people, we gave them a type of spiritual food which could not be satisfied by a physical meal. 

One man asked me about the "Tales of the Kingdom" shirt that I was wearing. I told him it was a shirt from a dance that I had performed in about the parables of Jesus and the love of Christ. He asked about this love - he seemed to know some things about it, and guessed that it was the reason I was there, which I confirmed. But he was confused, because he was only familiar with love as a relationship between a man and a woman. I told him that there was another type of love, a fatherly and brotherly love, that compelled Jesus and myself to serve him. It was a conversation I will never forget, and I wish I could have explained the gospel more fully to him, but I hope that I planted a seed. 

Another man imprinted on my memory was old, eccentric, and very angry. He was angry because he believed that all homeless people were lazy, and he could not understand why we were helping them. He was homeless himself, but continued to berate everyone there and the workers who were with us, saying that we were wasting our time, that all homeless people were worthless and unwilling to work, and that we were stupid for being there. I went up to him very boldly and put my hand on his shoulder to calm him down (a move that my friends told me afterward was very crazy, but possibly spirit-inspired) and told him that we were there because of Jesus. I do not remember what else I said, but I do remember him asking me very gruffly to take my hands off of him. I complied. 

I will always be grateful to Nick for this first opportunity to serve and meet the homeless face-to-face. They were so beautiful, and so loved. I saw so many different people: young and old, black and white, couples, babies, the mentally stable and unstable, those open to love and those closed to it. I knew some had been on the streets only a short while, and that some were planning to stay a while more... and I knew that each and every one of them was a valuable human being, with no more flaws than the rest of us, impacted by the love of Christ that we brought to them. Thank you Nick, and thank you Christ, for allowing me this experience. My burden of love continues to grow. 

~The Mandarin